Humane Parenting Home Run

We're back from Lake Placid, and we've spent the past couple of days trying to regroup from the trip, get back on schedule, and deal with the last remnants of construction that has been ongoing in our laundry room.

On Saturday, we went to the Wild Center Adirondack Natural History Museum. I am not easily impressed, but that place was quite impressive. It was spotless, well done, and the docents were wonderfully helpful. It was big enough to be worth the trip, but not so big as to be overwhelming. I found it interesting and learned a lot, but all the exhibits were also all kid-friendly. They had an amazing kids room with games, toys, puzzles, books, and a time-lapse photography video that Bess loved. They had some animals there who had been injured and could not be returned to the wild. We learned all about one of them, a porcupine who had been attacked by a dog.

There was also an outdoor exhibit area, where we took the half-mile walk around the pond. It was still too chilly for there to be much going on there (though the day we visited it exceeded 60 degrees!), but in the summer and fall there are birds, ducks, frogs, turtles, and all kinds of plants. The facility is LEED certified, so we also got to learn about solar power, water catchment, living roofs, light pollution-reduction lamps, and how they were able to build the facility on previously strip-mined land while returning it to it's natural state bit by bit.

I think the best part was when we were getting ready to leave. we ran into a docent named Arlene. She was missing her right hand, which she said was a birth defect, I assume due to thalidomide use by her mother. Bess, of course, was staring at her arm, and my mind was racing trying to figure out what to say. But Arlene beat me too it - "Do you notice something different about me?" Perfect! I wished I had thought of that. Bess nodded. "What's different?" Bess held up her hands. "You're right, I only have one hand. I was born that way. But you know what? I can clap just like you can!" And she could.

After that, Bess was fascinated. She asked Arlene how she is able to write, and if her arm hurts. She thought it was cool that she could clap with only one hand. She wanted to follow her around the museum for awhile and asked her about several of the exhibits. Then while we were checking out the gift shop, Arlene came to find Bess and give her a pencil, and to tell her that Bess was her special friend, and that she was glad she met Bess that day.

When asked what her favorite part of the day was, she says it was meeting her special friend who has only one hand instead of two, and who gave her a special pencil with an otter on it. I thanked Arlene for being so great with Bess, and for giving me a lesson on how to deal with that type of situation when it comes up again in the future. She was gracious, and I am grateful that we ran into her. From a humane parenting perspective, the day could not have been better.

You can view all the photos from our trips to the Adirondacks on Flick here, or above as a slideshow.

A Little Hiking

Today we were all starting to get a little crazy from being cooped up in the car, the hotel room, or the rink. We decided to try hiking at High Falls Gorge, just a short car ride from Lake Placid. I was a little apprehensive since it was quite chilly this morning - more normal for Lake Placid in March - but we all bundled up and headed out.

It turned out to be a great time. It warmed up enough to be comfortable, and Harry slept the whole time in his carrier (I was very thankful for our babywearing coat!). Bess was able to blow off some steam, which is good for everyone.

The place is beautiful. The trails were easy and well-groomed, and barely muddy. There was a bridge built over a 700 foot waterfall that was carved into the stone about 1.5 million years ago - a geological eyeblink. The forest was clear-cut about 100 years ago, so there were no large ancient trees, only emerging species like spruce and some maples. I know the word is overused, but in this case it applies - it was awesome. The only disappointment was that there was no snow, so we couldn't go snow shoeing.

The staff was friendly and helpful as well. Bess wanted to know about the fish who live in the river and how they avoid going over the falls, so we learned all about the pike, catfish, and salmon who live there. We even learned about the clever trout who live in the rocks waiting for a tasty morsel to swim by. It was definitely worth the trip.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

My Favorite Day!

Today is my favorite day of the year. It's the day when the very first spring flowers come. The winter is almost over, spring is on it's way, buds are on the trees, the birds are singing, all the baby animals are coming....a new beginning. The equinox is just around the corner, a day that reminds us of balance, of yin and yang, light and dark. A hopeful day, today.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Ahimsa Mama on the Road

Today I am writing from Lake Placid, New York via iPhone. My husband is here for work so the whole family made the trip. I love it here - so beautiful and relaxing, and a chance for us to spend a little time together as a family.

I am feeling a little strange about my first foray into mobile blogging. As someone who talks about - and genuinely believes in - voluntary simplicity, I think that my use of technology might be a little inconsistent.

Initially, I resisted all technology. It was awhile before I got a cell phone, and I really didn't carry it with any consistency until I had kids. Even then I was only sure to bring it if someone else was watching them.

But as I've gotten busier and had more responsibilities, I've found it efficient to be able to make calls and check email on the road. I like being able to keep up with everything when I'm out of town speaking or vacationing.

And the world has changed. Technology is important, and everything changes quickly now. Even as technology has taken over our lives (to the degree that we allow it to, anyway), it also allows us unprecedented access to information, and gives us the opportunity to get our ideas out to an ever-widening audience. Though some argue that e-friendships are replacing actual human contact - and for many people they are - it is also pretty exciting and interesting to be able to connect with so many people we would never have met otherwise. Everything in balance.

So, here I sit while my kids nap with their dad, on the floor outside my hotel room, writing. I guess today I think technology is pretty cool.

Mobile Blogging from here.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Enrichment

I had two blissful, quiet hours to myself today while Bess was out with her dad and Harry took a nap. I spent them finishing The Scientist in the Crib: Minds, Brains, and How Children Learn by Alison Gopnik, Andrew N. Meltzoff and Patricia K. Kuhl. It was pretty good - as a recovering neuroscientist, I was intrigued by the research they described regarding how babies learn about the world around them, both from a psychological perspective and a biological one. The book was written to bring this science to lay people, so the authors tried to make it conversational, sometimes at the expense of good taste, but overall it was an extremely worthwhile read.

Near the end of the book, they made an observation that seemed to me to be stunningly brilliant. In their discussion of the studies that have been done comparing the brains of rats raised in "enriched" environments to those raised in "deprived" environments, they reported the same old results that have been used to justify all sorts of intelligence interventions from Baby Einstein to reading camp for three-year-olds to attaching headphones blaring Mozart to our bulging pregnant bellies. The rats who were raised in "enriched" environments, with all sorts of different things to look at and do, and other rats to socialize with, had much bigger brains and were better at solving problems than the rats who were raised in the "deprived" environments.

That isn't the brilliant part, though. Wait for it....the authors point out that the word "enriched" is actually a misnomer, because the environment that contained all these things was actually a laboratory-produced approximation of rats' natural environments! Rats were not designed to live in a plastic cage alone, with the same food and water and bedding every day, with their light and dark cycles and even the temperature controlled perfectly by machines. They were designed to thrive in an environment where they had to form associations with other animals, forge for a wide variety of foods and shelter, and avoid capture and injury. So, what we call an "enriched" environment is really just normal.

Babies are experts at learning, at making opportunities for learning happen. The authors of Scientist in the Crib note, and I agree, that by offering our children all sorts of "enrichment" activities, we are at best causing no harm but probably not doing any good. At worst, we may be overwhelming them or distracting them from the things they really should be doing to learn the things they should be learning about the world around them. Humans evolved, for the vast majority of our existence, to be living off the land, hunting and gathering or - later - farming, and spending our time in the activities of daily living. There is inherent value in that - in having our children outside to feel the change in temperature and weather that accompanies the changing seasons, in having their hands in the dirt, in watching a plant go from seed to plate, in smelling the aromas of cooking, the rhythms of cleaning, the satisfaction of providing for oneself.

This is not to say that culturally, artistically or intellectually enriching activities aren't valuable, because I believe, in our global culture, that they are vitally so. However, they should not be emphasized at the expense of all else. Children gain from doing activities that have inherent value, and when we are too busy trying to push them along, push them ahead, enrich their lives, instead of doing normal human things, maybe we're really missing the boat.

Suburban Scavenger Hunting

On Monday, we went for a walk around the neighborhood. It was a cold day, and we wanted to stay in the sun and close to home. Bess had the idea to have a scavenger hunt while we walked, so that's what we did. We looked for a stop sign, a bird feeder, a house with a brown door, the number 5, a bench, a basketball hoop, a picture of a fish (on a storm drain), and a stump that she could stand on - and we found them all!

It reminded me of a story from the November-December 2008 issue of Mothering magazine called "Suburban Walkabout", in which a mother (from New Jersey, thank you very much!) describes her daily walks in her neighborhood with her kids. As much as I enjoy hiking in the woods or a long walk on the beach, where we are surrounded by the quiet rhythms of nature, it is nice to sometimes take the time to notice what is right under our noses. Bess was thrilled to find buds on the trees, seed pods that had fallen, and some daffodils beginning to poke out from the warming soil. These are all things that she might still find in the woods, but they wouldn't be as obvious, with the daffodil shoots still hidden under a blanket of leaves and the buds often too high for her to reach.

Scavenger Hunt

On Sunday, our family went on a scavenger hunt at Schiff Nature Preserve. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day - perfection! We decided to take the blue trail which we haven't done before, but which was easier walking for everyone - and we still managed to find everything, even a woodpecker hole!

Now that it's warm, the frogs were out and singing in the pond, which was a big source of excitement. Bess just could not get enough of them, and I have to agree - they were pretty cool!






We worked hard to finish the whole sheet!

And here's Bess and her beloved Miss Lydia looking for creepy-crawlies under a log:

India Day

We were supposed to have company last night, but Bess was sick so we ended up cancelling. But, we had planned on making Indian food for dinner, and since had all the ingredients, we decided to go ahead and make it anyway. Then we had the idea to make a day of it, and I went to the library and got some Indian music and a book to read.



We listened to Putumayo's Music From the Tea Lands and the traditional tunes of Ravi Shankar as we prepared Kheere ka Raita, Vagan Bateta nu Shak, and Palak Paneer. I probably would not make the Vagan Bateta nu Shak (eggplant and potatoes in curry) again - though Harry really liked it - but I think the Palak Paneer (spinach and cottage cheese) could be great with a little work, and the Kheere ka Raita (cucumbers in yogurt) was delish! We got our recipes from Indian Vegetarian Recipes.

Then we read (sort of) Gobble, Gobble, Slip, Slop: A Tale of a Very Greedy Cat by Meilo So. More accurately, we looked at the pictures, since the story of a cat who eats all his friends until some crabs use their claws to snip their way out of his stomach was a little harsh for my personal taste. (I have learned to ALWAYS read stories, especially traditional fables, before reading them to my kids!) But the ink and watercolor artwork is beautiful - I definitely recommend checking out her website.

Embracing Diversity

Today, I walked into the living room to find Bess sitting in her doll stroller. I suggested that she might not want to do that because it wasn't really designed for girls, and she might break it.

"Mommy, it's not a stroller, it's a wheelchair. I'm Monty."

Monty is a character from an episode of the television show Little Bill, which was created by Bill Cosby. The goals of the program are to promote images of diversity, and to show an inner-city African American family as loving, educated, and kind. Oddly enough, I recently read a study of this program, and of the Monty episode in particular, that concluded that it represents the next wave of multicultural education. It seeks to expose the roots of group stigmatization by examining it's impact on a number of stigmatized groups (i.e., women, African-Americans, people with handicaps, etc.) as well as by showing people who belong to these groups simply living their lives instead of using them as "teaching tools".

So, I'm not sure how I feel about this whole Monty-wheelchair thing. My first reaction was to discourage it, but then I thought about it and realized that I don't really discourage her from imitating any other characters she sees on television, in movies, or in books. What's the difference between wanting to be Monty or Word Girl? Perhaps I am concerned about how a person with a disability would feel if they saw her pretending to be in a wheelchair - but she isn't mocking, she's simply imitating what she's seen, just as if she were wearing Word Girl's cape or Dora's backpack. I decided that the fact that she was imitating Monty indicated that, for one thing, he made an impression on her, and two, the impression was a positive one. So for now, the stroller can be a wheelchair if she wants it to be.

Welcome Spring!

Today Spring arrived, along with a dusting of snow. It was a cold day, but we spent a large part of it outside anyway. Bess and I went to her Winter Walkabout at Schiff Nature Preserve, which is by far our favorite activity of each week. The other kids in the class are a lot of fun, and the teacher, Lydia, is simply wonderful - sweet, patient and knowledgeable.

Personally, the thing I like best about spending time at Schiff is that Bess is a whole different person when she's there. Most other times, she is a whirlwind, "Hurricane Bess" we call her. Her attention span is minuscule, and her frustration tolerance is almost equally so. But when we're there, she is patient, engaged, and attentive. Last week, we were making fox tails as our craft, and she sat there for almost twenty minutes (twenty minutes!) putting crepe paper and beads on a pipe cleaner. I don't know that I've ever, ever seen her sit still that long before!

I think that place might be magic, but it also got me thinking a lot about Richard Louv's idea of Nature Deficit Disorder. In his book Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature Deficit Disorder, he talks about the lack of unstructured outdoor time from which our children suffer. He theorizes that this disconnection from nature is largely responsible for the epidemic of attention deficit disorder in the United States, and that most children who suffer from attention issues would benefit immensely - be cured, even - by simply spending time outside. To be sure, there are some elements of his book that I don't really love (such as his stance on hunting and fishing), but I can't deny that my experience with Bess certainly supports his hypothesis.