Saturday, April 23, 2011

I've Moved!

Life has taken me on many twists and turns lately, and blogging has, unfortunately, fallen to the bottom of my priority list. However, with spring has come a new commitment to exploring and sharing my Humane Parenting journey, and I hope that you will join my on the journey over at my new blog!


Can't wait to see you there!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Other Blogging Projects

I've been focusing on some other blogging projects lately, and it seems that I am unable to attend to more than one or two at a time.

So check me out as occasional blogger at the Humane Connection and Rhythms, The Blog of Wellspring Community School.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Interview With Zoe Weil

Recently, I got the chance to interview Zoe Weil, President and co-founder of the Institute for Humane Education and author of Above All, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times. Here is what she had to say about being a Humane Parent.

K: How would you define Humane Parenting? What are some of the goals of Humane Parents as you see them?

Z: Actually, I’ve never defined humane parenting or considered the goals of ‘humane parents,’ because what I’ve focused on is using the tools of humane education to raise humane kids, which I write about in my book Above All, Be Kind. I feel more comfortable sharing my experiences as a humane educator with people who want to give their children the tools and motivation to be humane rather than try to define what humane parenting looks like. With that said, to me humane parents are simply people with children who actively cultivate the best qualities of human beings (one of the definitions of the word humane) and model these qualities for their kids. The actual tools of a humane educator are key to raising a humane child. They are to:
• Provide information about the issues of our time in age appropriate ways so that our children have knowledge about the effects of their everyday choices
• Foster the 3 Cs of curiosity, creativity, and critical thinking, so that they are good learners and thinkers, able to make wise decisions
• Instill the 3 Rs of reverence (in our young children), respect (in the middle years) and responsibility (as teens) so that they become compassionate choicemakers and engaged changemakers for a better world
• Offer positive choices and the tools for problem solving so they can make a difference.

K: What is the biggest challenge that you have faced as an activist when it comes to raising your son?

The biggest challenge by far is living in a culture that does not support, foster, or encourage many of my values and actively undermines them at every turn. Whether it’s TV, violent and sexist movies, music, and videogames, inhumane, unhealthy, and unsustainable foods marketed to my son, or rampant materialism, I feel like society presents enormous hurdles to humane living and raising humane children.

K: What are the biggest lessons you have learned during your Humane Parenting journey?

Z: Again, I wouldn’t call it humane parenting, mostly because I have felt so humbled by being a mother and would, in retrospect, change many of the ways in which I parented my son, but here are the two biggest lessons I’ve learned as a parent trying to raise a humane child:
  1. The culture in which our children live exerts enormous power over their desires and behaviors which we cannot fully prevent.
  2. It’s important to back off and let our children make their own choices in age appropriate ways, even if they are different from ours, and to honor and love them for their independent thought.
K: Have you found that you have any personality quirks that most interfere with your goals as a parent?

Z: Oh my, yes! Although I try to cultivate the best qualities of human beings, and do well in some arenas like loyalty, compassion, honesty, and perseverance, I’m also impatient, reactive, stubborn, and fairly controlling. These definitely interfere with my goals as a parent!

K: I am interested in the tension between cultivating a sense of responsibility to the world at large in our children and our desire as parents to help our children grow into the person they are meant to be. Have you found this to be an issue, and if so, how have you come to terms with the conflict?

Z: A few years ago I was leading a humane education training workshop and my son, who was 13 at the time, came to the end of it in time to participate in an activity we call “Spectrum.” In this activity, I place four cards down on the floor which have “I” statements on them indicating behavior choices along a spectrum. I ask people to stand in front of or between the card or cards that best represent them. There are four sets of these four cards, one on animal issues, one on environmental issues, one on social justice issues, and one on consumerism issues. The purpose of the activity is multifold. First, it’s interesting for people to realize that while they may have made some choices, like being vegan, not buying products tested on animals, adopting dogs and cats from shelters, and so on, that are kind to animals, they may be making other choices such as living in a big house, driving an SUV, having more than 2 children, that have a negative impact on the environment. It’s humbling to realize that our righteousness is not warranted when we see others who are making a big effort in another arena that we aren’t so “evolved” about. The other goal is to notice the changes one has made over the years. I’ll ask where they would have stood on the spectrum five years earlier. Almost everyone has moved further to the more sustainable, compassionate, peaceful end over those years (not surprising since these are people who’ve come to our workshop!).

When my son participated, he was further into the consumptive end of the consumerism spectrum and had moved away from his vegan upbringing on one end of the animal spectrum. While everyone else had moved toward more compassionate lifestyles, he’d moved away from his upbringing. People asked him why, and he was quite forthright in saying that it was just easier and more convenient and his desires sometimes trumped his values.

At that moment I could have felt a bit embarrassed. After all, I was leading the workshop and here was my son no longer living according to the values I’d raised him with. But I didn’t feel embarrassed. I actually felt proud of him and of myself. I was glad that despite being raised by an often overbearing, rigid parent who believes certain things are right and wrong and we should do this and that, he felt comfortable being himself, being different, and being honest about who he was. I guarantee that there were adults in that group who weren’t honest about where they were on the Spectrum because there’s a lot of pressure to conform to the “humane ideal” in this situation, but my son wasn’t one of them. He was not belligerent or standoffish in any way; he was well-spoken, friendly, and fine with being who he was, different from his mother. I felt like I’d done a good job of raising a polite child with a strong sense of self who could speak his truth – even if it differed from mine. When it was over, he draped his arm around me. I knew he was proud of me, too, even though we were sometimes making different choices.

K: What has been the payoff of your efforts at Humane Parenting? Do you have a specific story to tell about your son that illustrates the qualities you have tried to cultivate in him?

Z: My son is very honest. This is a curse as well as a blessing because I often know more than I want to know! He is also fiercely loyal, compassionate, and incredibly generous. For the past few years he’s been a significant donor to my organization, the Institute for Humane Education (IHE). Two years ago, I was sitting at my desk and he walked in and handed me a tiny scrap of paper. On it was a little drawing. I didn’t know what it was but he wouldn’t tell me. He made me figure it out. Finally I realized it was the first drawing in a treasure hunt. I found the next drawing and the next and so on traversing every corner of the house until I found the treasure: $150 for IHE.


The Institute for Humane Education is offering a month-long online course called Raising a Humane Child starting next Monday, October 4. I was able to participate in a pilot version of the course and can tell you that it is well worth the time and will transform the way you view your parenting. Please head on over and enroll - and tell them Ahimsa Mama sent you!

I am a scholar-turned-mother/activist who is interested in sustainable living and social justice. I have published a number of articles and given presentations internationally on the topics of voluntary simplicity and humane parenting. Learn more at my website www.beautifulfriendships.net

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Paradox of The Peace Book













I've always liked Todd Parr books. I think his bright and colorful illustrations are engaging for young children, if not particularly aesthetically pleasing to me. I like the simple language and the positive message he usually imparts.

One of my favorites has always been The Peace Book. I love the way he makes the idea of ensuring clothing, food and shelter for all accessible to young children, and I like that it includes a diversity of people (even if some of them are blue).

Last night, though, I heard my husband reading this book to my kids and all of a sudden, I was struck by this inconsistency:
































Does that fish look free to you? Does he?

See, this is why I need to start writing children's books.

I am a scholar-turned-mother/activist who is interested in sustainable living and social justice. I have published a number of articles and given presentations internationally on the topics of voluntary simplicity and humane parenting. Learn more at my website www.beautifulfriendships.net.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Blogging on Gender Issues

Photo courtesy of flickr user taberandrew

Check out my recent post on Your (Wo)Man In Washington on the issue of college loans and gender equity:
According to the College Board report Trends in College Pricing, "Reductions in revenue from sources other than tuition, particularly state and local appropriations in the public sector, are associated with rapidly rising public college tuition levels in recent years." So here is yet another instance where government spending decisions have a greater negative impact on the economic security of women as compared to men. When are we, as a country, going to step up and show our support for the mothers, sisters, aunts, and daughters who care for us?
Read the whole thing here.

I am a scholar-turned-mother/activist who is interested in sustainable living and social justice. I have published a number of articles and given presentations internationally on the topics of voluntary simplicity and humane parenting. Learn more at my website www.beautifulfriendships.net.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Humane Parenting Twitter Party Tonight!

Photo courtesy of flickr user woodleywonderworks

Okay, so it's short notice, but...

If you're around at 10 pm (Eastern time) tonight, please tune in for a humane parenting Twitter party featuring Zoe Weil, President and co-founder of the Institute for Humane Education, author of Above All, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times, and a friend and mentor of mine. I will be interviewing her on Ahimsa Mama next week in anticipation of the Institute's Raising a Humane Child e-course next month!

Look for #holisticmoms, and hope to see you there!

I am a scholar-turned-mother/activist who is interested in sustainable living and social justice. I have published a number of articles and given presentations internationally on the topics of voluntary simplicity and humane parenting. Learn more at my website www.beautifulfriendships.net.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Tips for Moderating the Morning Mayhem

I am reading The World Needs Your Kid: Raising Children Who Care and Contribute by Craig Kielburger (from Free the Children), Marc Kielburger and Shelley Page.  It's pretty good - I'll be posting a review of it when I'm done.

One thing that caught my eye is that the first of their "100 Tips to Raise Global Citizens" is:

Early to Rise. Set the alarm twenty minutes early to avoid the morning rush.  With luck, you'll spend less time hustling your kids out the door and more time checking in with them about the day ahead.  Connecting leads to caring.

So true!  I have come to the same conclusion - when I rush in the morning, I get impatient.  When I am impatient, I am not the kind of mom I want to be, and it sets me up for a less-than-ideal day.

However, I've taken a different route to achieving harmony in the mornings.  I don't mind getting up early - in fact, I often set my alarm for an hour before I really need to be moving - but I don't like to get the kids up even one minute earlier than I have to.  I find that squeezing every minute of rest out of them that I possibly can is in everyone's best interest.  So, instead, I've decided to do as much preparation for the coming day as I can the night before.

After baths, when the kids are in their pj's and winding down with a book or some other quiet play (or loud, running play!) I try to accomplish the following:

1.  Shower.  I know this doesn't work for everyone - my husband can't start his day without a shower in the morning - but for me it has made all the difference.

2.  Set out my clothes for the next day.  This way, I get out of bed, brush my hair, get dressed, and - voila! - I'm ready to rock and roll in less than five minutes!  I also get Harry's clothes ready the night before.  As for Bess' clothes...

3.  Have Bess set out her clothes for the next day.  We set up a little morning task station in her room with a mirror, a few hooks for her clothes, and a list of things she needs to do (see photo above).  This has eliminated quite a bit of morning conflict since any arguing negotiating about wardrobe has already been done.

4.  Make lunch.  I know a lot of moms like to send their kids to school with a warm lunch, but for me, that's just too much trouble in the morning.  Instead, when I'm putting away dinner, I make the next day's lunch at the same time, which often includes leftovers.  I also often try to set up some snacks for Harry's morning while I'm at it.

5.  Crock pot breakfasts!  This one has been a new addition to the repertoire, and is my favorite tip for making the mornings run more smoothly.  I like to give my kids a hearty, warm breakfast, but even something as simple as instant oatmeal can take more time than I'm willing to spare.  So now, I set up a simple crock pot breakfast the night before and either turn it on last thing before bed or have John turn it on when he's turning in for the night (he works nights so this is convenient for us), but really, even if you set an alarm to get up and flip the switch at 2 am, I think it still saves you sleep and energy in the long run.

What are your tips for making the morning a prelude to a great day?

I am a scholar-turned-mother/activist who is interested in sustainable living and social justice. I have published a number of articles and given presentations internationally on the topics of voluntary simplicity and humane parenting. Learn more at my website www.beautifulfriendships.net.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Safety at What Cost?

This past weekend we attended a Scandinavian Festival at a local park. The playground was unlike most of the other (plastic, ultra-safe) playgrounds in our area. This one had things like swings with chains, metal monkey bars, and seesaws, none of which can be found at many, if any, parks these days, at least around here, though when we've traveled I've noticed that they are more common in other areas. I guess the risk of lawsuits and intolerance for any level of risk whatsoever are pretty extreme here.

I must say, I felt a little uneasy with my kids playing around the seesaws, afraid that they would get "cherry bombed" or whacked in the face as they tried to maneuver on and off. As I tried to assure myself that I managed to survive my childhood despite many hours spent seesawing with my sister and neighborhood friends, I watched with interest as the kids tried to figure the whole thing out. As pretty young children, we were able to negotiate the physics of levers pretty easily, figuring out who needed to sit where to make the whole thing work.

These kids did not have this fundamental understanding of the physical world. I watched as parents tried to explain it - but it isn't something that can be explained, at least not easily. It needs to be experienced. And when we strip down our kids' experiences to include only that are without risk, we also deprive them of so many opportunities to learn about themselves and about the world.

So, I'm certainly not advocating that we throw all caution to the wind. I'm all for airbags and carseats and seatbelts and all that kind of thing - but I think some sort of cost/benefit analysis is in order. What are we willing to sacrifice in order to protect our kids from some bumps and bruises?

I am a scholar-turned-mother/activist who is interested in sustainable living and social justice. I have published a number of articles and given presentations internationally on the topics of voluntary simplicity and humane parenting. Learn more at my website www.beautifulfriendships.net.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

I know I'm a couple days early for my photo post, but this is just too precious not to share:















I am breaking my promise to myself to never become one of those mommy bloggers who just gushes about how cute her kids are - but seriously? Bess reading bedtime stories to Harry? Does it get any better than this?

I am considering moments like these to be my reward for my attachment-style parenting. ;)

I am a scholar-turned-mother/activist who is interested in sustainable living and social justice. I have published a number of articles and given presentations internationally on the topics of voluntary simplicity and humane parenting. Learn more at my website www.beautifulfriendships.net.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

First Day of School

Today was Bess' first day of Primary 1, which is the first step of Kindergarten at Wellspring Community School. To hear her tell it, today was not, in fact, the first day of school because they only spent an hour there. But during that hour they selected their symbols (which are used to identify the students to pre-readers - Bess selected a ladybug in honor of her friend Claire who is not attending Wellspring this year) and examined the new and improved layout of the classroom. Not only that, but they identified things that were the same as last year with an S and things that were different, which was almost everything, with a D. So they worked on some phonics and letter recognition in addition to reacclimating themselves to the environment.

It is not a short trip to overstimulated for Bess, but today she was just out of control excited. She LOVES school, and could not wait to see her teacher Anne and her friends, and to meet some new friends too. We constantly have the discussion in our home whether private school is worth the money when we live in such a "good, high-achieving" school district. That was, in fact, one of the reasons we chose to move to this particular town when we moved almost six years ago. Since then, though, my thinking about school and its goals (actual and ideal) has changed quite a bit. For me, right now, yes - it is worth every penny. It is worth it for my daughter to learn in a close-knit community where they learn about cooperation and responsibility to a group in addition to the academics, for her to be excited to go to school and excited to learn new things, to be excited to show her friends a beautiful spider web on the fence complete with a meal-in-waiting for the architect of the web.

Would she gain these things in public school. Maybe. But then I would have lot less control over who she spends so much of her time with, and her experience would be much more variable from year to year. In some ways that could be good, I guess, but for a child who does not deal with transition and direction that well I think it would probably do more harm than good. For now, I'm so, so happy to be where we are.

I am a scholar-turned-mother/activist who is interested in sustainable living and social justice. I have published a number of articles and given presentations internationally on the topics of voluntary simplicity and humane parenting. Learn more at my website www.beautifulfriendships.net.